:with love and squalor

# March 14, 2013 / 10:20PM 13 notes

Today was the second day in a row I’ve had a guardian break down in tears to me in my classroom over home situations. Yesterday, it was after my para and I showed a mom a drawing her son had made that really upset everyone (we don’t really have a social worker so it was up to me to have this conversation). Today, it was a little more complicated and was a grandmother who is at her wits’ end with her particular situation with her student. Both situations are complex and utterly heartbreaking. I am so honored and grateful that my students’ families feel they can be open with me about their lives and their problems. Yesterday, I stayed strong with the mom and assured her I would continue to do what I’ve been doing to make her son feel safe. Today, I honestly cried a little bit with the grandma because I didn’t know things had gotten so bad. I knew there were some issues, but I should have known. I should have been able to tell, but now that I do know, I can’t even do anything to help her. I wish there was more I could do.

These are the times when you need to have grit and strength to work in an inner city classroom. You want to be as strong as possible to be a support and crutch for your families as much as they need it. But, GOD, it is hard. It is so hard. I love my students and I think about them all the time and dream about them, but I’ve had to develop a sort of numbness in order to cope with the realities of what I see every day. I can’t fix my students’ lives. All I can do is make them feel loved and safe. And, honestly, I rarely feel like I’m doing enough, even in that respect.

This is the hardest job on the planet. I don’t know how other people do it. This is only my second year and sometimes I’m not sure I have it in me to continue.

education teaching teaching is hard :(